


divine interference

by thepageobsessed



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F, au (on many levels), barba and children, barba is olivia's on call babysitter (unwillingly), bffs barson, fluffy crack, somewhere between crack and pure ridiculousness, sunk cost fallacy never happened, the world has it out for olivia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:01:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25579990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepageobsessed/pseuds/thepageobsessed
Summary: olivia benson had been under the impression that nothing could surprise her after 21 years in svu, but that was before two of her detectives were mysteriously turned into toddlers.ft. the non optimally timed return of alex and rafael babysitting to the detriment of both himself and the children.
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Alexandra Cabot, Rafael Barba & Olivia Benson, Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr. (mentioned)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	divine interference

**Author's Note:**

> half of this story is best friends barson and the other half is cabenson. this plot is (obviously) ridiculous, but was very fun to write.

Sometimes, Olivia recieved the impression that the world viewed her as an endless source of amusement who the sadistic gods who hate her have full reign to torture in every awful way possible. 

Somehow though, they have really outdone themselves this time.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” she muttered in amazement as she looked at the two toddlers sitting in the chairs belonging to Dominick “Sonny” Carisi and Amanda Rollins, babbling happily to each other.

“This ain’t right,” Fin muttered, as he looked at them suspiciously. 

“How is this possible?” Kat asked, her face one of genuine confusion.

Olivia shook her head. “I have no idea,” she said, before she looked around. “No one’s here, let’s bring them into my office. We probably want as few people to know about this _situation_ as possible.”

Nodding, Kat grabbed Carisi, while Olivia grabbed Amanda. 

“Hi sweetie,” she said, smiling at the toddler.

She saw Fin shake his head at the weirdness of the situation in her peripheral vision.

“Hi!” the toddler exclaimed brightly.

“How old are you?” she asked as she carried her over to her office.

Amanda held up three fingers in response.

“Three?” Olivia asked. “You’re getting to be a really big girl!”

Amanda nodded proudly. 

After entering her office, Olivia put her down gently on a chair, before turning to face Fin and Kat as the toddlers conversed in their own toddler language.

“What the hell are we supposed to do?” Olivia asked. 

“Watch them until they turn back hopefully?” Kat replied. “We can’t really just abandon them on the streets.”

(Fin looked a little bit too interested in that prospect.)

“You’re right,” Olivia replied. “ _We can’t_ ,” she said with a glance at Fin. “But how are we supposed to babysit them and who should watch them?”

Two sets of eyes turned to stare at Olivia. 

“No,” Olivia said immediately. “No, I already have a child, I can't fit two more in my apartment!”

“You’re the most qualified,” Kat said slowly. 

“Yeah,” Fin agreed. “I don’t think that Ken would give you a rave review of my parenting skills.”

“Plus, you are our Captain,” Kat added. “This would probably fall under your job description.”

Olivia sighed. “I highly doubt ‘babysit your suddenly toddler-aged subordinates’ is in the job description for the Captain of the Special Victims Unit.”

“Still,” Fin said. “You know what Kat meant.”

Olivia paused for a second before letting out a long-suffering sigh.”Fine,” she agreed reluctantly.

Fin and Kat shared looks of relief. 

“You two will be handling most of the cases while the _situation_ is ongoing, will you both be able to handle that?”

“Yeah,” Fin and Kat replied in unison. 

“Good,” Olivia replied. “I’ll still be in the office, but sporadically. If anyone asks, they are my niece and nephew that I’m babysitting. Is that clear?”

Fin and Kat nodded as a thought occurred to Olivia.

“Jesse and Billie,” she said quietly. “Who’s going to be watching them?”

Once again, she was faced with two pairs of expectant eyes.

“Absolutely not,” she said firmly. “My apartment cannot, under any circumstances, fit two more children.”

“Do you really want to tell Amanda after she’s aged back up that you didn’t watch her children?” Fin asked.

Olivia paused before rolling her eyes. “This situation is _ridiculous_ ,” she complained.

“It is,” Fin agreed. “Can you watch Jesse and Billie?”

“Fine,” Olivia replied. “But only because when Amanda ages back up, she’s going to complain constantly if I didn’t.”

“What if they don’t age up?” Kat asked quietly.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Olivia sighed. “Also, nobody knows. You do not tell anyone about this situation, nothing good will come out of it.” She paused. “I will tell Rafael about it though, I might be able to get free babysitting out of him.”

“Out of Barba?” Fin asked skeptically. “Good luck with that.”

When Carmen informed Rafael that Olivia, and Fin had arrived, he had expected them to come with a request for a warrant or an update on a case. 

He hadn’t expected them to come with five small children, three of whom were under the age of five.

“Hey Rafa,” Olivia greeted him cheerfully.

Lost for words, all Rafael could manage was a “ _Why_?” as he gestured to the children she was herding.

“So funny story,” Olivia began. “These two,” she said, looking down at the unfamiliar toddlers in her arms. “Are Amanda and Carisi.”

Out of all the possible explanations for the children’s presence, Rafael had to admit, he hadn’t considered that one.

“What?” he spluttered. 

“We left the room for one minute and the next second there were two toddlers and no Amanda and Carisi.”

“How do you know they aren’t just playing a weird joke?’’ Rafael asked skeptically.

“Because this happened yesterday, and Amanda would not have purposely run off and left her children alone, especially since the nanny wasn’t scheduled to watch the kids today.”

Rafael, nodded, before taking a second to think about the situation. “What the hell?”

“Exactly,” Olivia replied. “And since I need to tie some things up at work today, you are watching the children.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “Isn’t that what your nanny is for?”

“Lucy isn’t on today since I wasn’t supposed to go into work and I am not calling her in on her day off to watch Noah and four extra children. So you are instead!”

“No,” Rafael said. “ _Absolutely not_.”

Olivia just smiled at him. “And make sure as few people know about this situation as possible please,” she requested before carefully putting down the toddlers and leaving, Fin in tow, while Rafael watched them leave in horror. 

After they had left, he slowly turned to Noah. “Did your mother just drop five children and run?” he asked in disbelief.

“Yeah!” Noah replied cheerfully. “They all slept over in our apartment last night too.” 

Rafael shook his head. “Only Olivia Benson could just casually drop by with a herd of children, drop them off, and casually announce that two of them were not children, but fully grown NYPD detectives that somehow had been turned into children.”

Noah nodded. “That’s what she just did!”

“So Noah,” Rafael began. “What do you kids like to do?”

“Jesse likes tea parties,” Noah said, making a face. “I like dancing, but Jesse and I both like playing iPad games.”

“I have an iPad,” Rafael said as he pulled his personal iPad from his desk. You kids can play with it. Do you know how to download games?”

“Yeah,” Noah replied. “Okay, you can download any free games you want,” Rafael said. “Here’s my password,” he continued, writing it down on a legal pad and passing it to him.

“Thanks Uncle Rafa!” Noah replied enthusiastically, before bringing the iPad and password over to Jesse.

“Now you three,” he said, glaring at the other three children.

“Babies, what do they like?” he muttered to himself. He figured that Billie seemed happy enough playing with her toys in her stroller, so he ignored her for the time being. 

Searching through the stroller though, he discovered what he assumed was baby food, with instructions on when and how to feed the one-year-old.

“How long exactly does she expect me to be watching them?” he asked no one in particular.

After he ascertained that Billie was alright, he turned to the situation that he had been avoiding.

_The detectives._

Olivia had been kind enough to bring a bag of toys and snacks for them, so they were fine with little interference, but this entire situation was, frankly, disturbing.

After all, your (secret) boyfriend of around six months being turned into a toddler is not necessarily a situation one expects or wishes to encounter.

“Hi,” he said carefully to the two, bending down.

“Hi,” Carisi replied with a smile, while Rollins looked at him shyly.

“I’m Rafael,” he greeted them.

“Ra-fal,” Carisi repeated as best as he could.

“You can call me Rafa,” he told them, his tone soft.

He was lucky that his day was mostly just paperwork, and that his only visitor was Carmen, who viewed the situation as highly amusing.

That was, until Carmen relayed a message that immediately inspired him with fear.

“Rita is here.”

“She can come in,” he responded after a second of panic, resigned. 

_She would probably mock him over this situation for the rest of his life._

“Hey Raf-”

Rita began to greet him, before she registered the children scattered throughout his usually pristine office.

“What do we have here?” she asked, amusement coloring her voice.

He looked up and met her eyes. “The SVU squad’s unpaid babysitter.”

“Really?” Rita asked incredulously. “How did they manage that?”

“Liv and Fin came in bearing children, dropped them on me, and ran.”

“I’ve always respected Olivia,” Rita replied, impressed. “So, whose are they, anyway?”

“That one,” he said pointing to Noah. “Is Liv’s.”

“Those two,” he said, pointing to Jesse and then Billie. “Are Rollins’s.”

“And those two,” he said, pointing to Rollins and Carisi. “Are Rollins and Carisi.”

“Their kids?” Rita asked, understandably confused. 

“No, them,” Rafael replied. “Apparently one second they were themselves, the next they were toddlers.”

“What?” Rita asked.

“Exactly,” Rafael replied. “Apparently, Liv is the designated guardian of them until they hopefully turn back into adults, and she dropped them on me while she finished up some work.”

“This must be awkward for you,” Rita mused. “Since you’re fucking Carisi and all.”

“Rita!” Rafael exclaimed, gesturing to the children.

“Sorry,” Rita replied airily. “Forgot. Still, seeing your lover as a toddler must be a little weird.”

“It is,” Rafael responded through gritted teeth. “Could we maybe _not_ talk about that?’

“I would never want to make you uncomfortable Rafael,” Rita responded with an impressively sharklike smile.

Rafael rolled his eyes. “Why exactly did you come here anyway? I assume that it wasn’t just to mock me over the unusually high number of toddlers in my office.”

“Despite how appealing that idea is, you are correct,” Rita replied. “I just wanted to ask if you’re going to our class reunion next week.”

“Haven’t decided,” Rafael replied before looking suspiciously at Rita. “Why?”

“I’m not sure whether I’m going, and I wanted to see whether anyone else I know is.”

“Sweet of you to finally publicly acknowledge that you know me,” Rafael said. “Soon you’ll be saying that you’re your actual age when asked instead of claiming that you’re 35.”

“I am 35!” Rita protested.

“Like hell you are,” Rafael scoffed.

Rita rolled her eyes. “I need to get back, have fun with the children.”

“Bye Rita,” Rafael replied, letting out a long-suffering sigh as she left, before turning to Noah, who had watched the interaction with interest.

“Noah,” he said warily. “Please do not repeat _anything_ that you heard in the last ten minutes, okay?”

“Including the part about you fucking Uncle Sonny?” Noah asked innocently. 

(Or not innocently, who knows with the devil spawn of Olivia Benson.)

“Especially that,” Rafael replied, his tone turning grave.

Noah nodded before his eyes lit up in question. “Uncle Rafa, what does fucking mean?” 

Rafael sighed and closed his eyes. “I’ll tell you when you’re eighteen,” he said after a second. “Just don’t ask any grownups that question, or else they’ll be mad.”

“Okay,” Noah responded. “Uncle Rafa?”

_Jesus Fucking Christ_

“Yes?” Rafael bit out.

“I accidentally bought a game that cost three dollars. I’m sorry.”

Rafael narrowed his eyes. “Accidentally?”

“Yes,” I meant to buy the free game under it, but my finger slipped.”

_Like hell it did._

Rafael sighed. “Just don’t do it again,” he said tiredly.

“Uncle Rafa?”

Rafael suppressed the urge to leave the building and never come back.

“ _What?_ ”

“Where are Uncle Sonny and Aunt Amanda?”

Rafael wanted to laugh at Noah’s use of “Aunt” and “Uncle” when addressing the toddlers, considering the situation at hand, but felt his heart rate spike when he realized what Noah was asking.

“They should be here,” he said quietly.

“Well they aren’t,” Noah responded unnecessarily

_Shit._

After a blissful child-free day of work, Olivia sighed as she entered 1 Hogan Place, knowing that the next few days would be _only_ children. 

_Or weeks._

_Or months._

_Or years._

Olivia shook her head. She couldn’t (and wouldn’t) think like that.

As she exited the elevator on Rafael’s floor though, she stopped as she saw two familiar toddlers toddling down the hallway, past a distracted Carmen.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Olivia said incredulously.

As she reached them, they stooped and looked up at her.

“Livia!” Amanda said happily.

“Livia!” Carisi echoed.

“Hi,” she greeted them.

“Up?” Amanda asked.

“Sure,” Olivia replied with a smile, first picking up Amanda in one arm, and then Carisi in the other.

As she walked towards Rafael’s office holding the toddlers, the man in question burst out of the office frantically.

“Looking for something?” she asked cooly.

“Liv,” Rafael said greeted, before noticing the toddlers. “I’m sorry.”

Olivia just raised an eyebrow. “A few hours,” she said. “I ask you to watch them for a few hours and _this_ happens?”

Rafael looked embarrassed. “I’m sorry."

“It’s fine,” Olivia sighed. “As long as all the other kids are inside.”

“They are,” Rafael assured her.

Luckily for Rafael, all the other children were accounted for.

“Hey,” Olivia greeted the kids. “Miss me?”

“No, it was fun!” Noah said. “Uncle Rafa says that he’ll teach me what the word ‘fucking’ means when I’m 18!”

“He did?” Olivia responded evenly before turning to Rafael and shooting a glare at him. “And when did he say _that_ word?”

“He didn’t,” Noah informed her. “Rita did.”

“Really?” Olivia asked, keeping her eyes locked on Rafael. “And why was Rita here?”

“Impromptu visit,” Rafael responded.

“And why did Rita use that word?” she asked, directing her question at Noah.

“Uncle Rafa told me not to tell."

Olivia glared at Rafael, causing him to pale appropriately.

“It’s fine Noah, you can tell me anything,” she assured him.

Noah considered that before looking at Rafael, who nodded in resignation. “Rita said that Uncle Rafa is fucking Uncle Sonny. Well, she said Carisi, but they’re the same person.”

Olivia’s eyes widened. “Really?” she mouthed at Rafael, who nodded.

“Well, I agree with Uncle Rafa, he can tell you what the word means when you’re eighteen, until then, don’t use it please,” she requested.

“Okay!” Noah responded cheerily. 

Olivia shook her head in amusement, before giving Rafael a searching look. After their _situation_ was resolved, they were going to have a long talk.

The next few days were _hell_.

Her apartment did not have enough room for five children, and she did not have the patience for five children.

Kat and Fin would visit her at least once a day, updating her on their cases and trying to stifle their laughter at Olivia’s misfortune.

_They were so supportive_.

Rafael visited too, and watched in amusement as Olivia tried (and usually failed) to wrangle the children.

None of the three offered to help of course. Just watched her misfortune. Once the _situation_ was resolved, she was going to bury all of them in paperwork in revenge. Amanda and Carisi too. 

(Knowing them, it was probably their fault that this mess occurred in the first place.)

When she heard a knock on the door, she sighed.

“I don’t want to talk to you Barba!” she yelled as she tried to get Billie to stop crying. It had to be him, since Kat and Fin had already made their daily visit.

“This is important,” he insisted.

She sighed. She _was not_ in the mood for his mocking.

“Noah, can you please open the door for Uncle Rafa? I’m occupied!” she yelled.

“Sure!” Noah replied, skipping into the entryway and opening the door.

“Hi Uncle Rafa!” he said cheerfully, before pausing. “Who’s that?”

At his words, Olivia turned around, and her mouth dropped as she realized who had arrived with Rafael.

“ _Alex_ ,” she said quietly. 

“Liv,” Alex responded, her eyes widening as she took in the child-filled room.

“You’ve been busy, I see,” she said, gesturing at the multitude of children.

Barba snorted and Olivia sighed. “Only Noah is mine,” she clarified quickly.

“Oh?” Alex asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Don’t ask about the rest, it’s a long story,” Olivia said. “Anyway, where have you been for the last eight years? And why are you here?”

“I might have to steal your answer for the first one,” Alex replied. “And I’m here because I’m the new Bureau Chief of SVU.”

Olivia’s eyes widened. “ _You_? Really?”

She looked between her and Rafael. “But, wouldn’t Raf-”

Obviously figuring out where she was going, Rafael interrupted. “There was a deal between us and the DA. Alex will be installed as Bureau Chief now, because I’ll be running for DA when McCoy announces his resignation in a few months.”

“Really?” Olivia asked. “That’s great Rafael, I’m so happy for you!” 

She turned to Alex, “I thought you wanted to run for DA?” she asked.

“I used to,” Alex replied. “But my activities the last few years mean that it would be prudent for me to go down another path.”

“What activities?” 

“Nothing I can tell an officer of the law,” Alex replied, before hastening to add at Olivia’s expression, “nothing unethical though!”

Olivia shot Alex a suspicious look. “So I’m working with you again?”

“ _For me_ , yes.” Alex replied.

Olivia sighed. “We are not having that argument again.”

Alex shrugged. “Believe whatever you want, it doesn’t change the truth.”

Olivia glared at her. “I’ve requested for you to be replaced before and I will do it again. _Happily_.”

Rafael watched their exchange with what appeared to be a mixture of horror and amusement. “Do you two always argue like this?” he asked.

“Yes,” Alex and Olivia responded in unison.

“I can see how the rumors started.”

“What rumors?” Olivia asked suspiciously.

“The ones that we were fucking,” Alex responded before Rafael could.

“Those weren’t rumors,” Olivia scoffed. “They were true.”

“Really?”

Olivia felt a spark of pride at managing to shock Rafael Barba, considering how little surprised him.

“Yes, before Alex went and got herself fake killed,” Olivia replied

“My time in WITSEC kind of put a damper on our relationship,” Alex added.

“I can see why,” Rafael said thoughtfully.

“So did you not returning after you were released,” Olivia said pointedly.

“We are not fighting about that again,” Alex said tiredly.

“Am I going to play your marriage counselor for the next few months?” Rafael asked with a sigh.

“Probably,” Olivia and Alex responded in unison.

“How did you manage to work together for so long?”

“Well-timed interference by third parties and our mutual attraction to each other,” Alex responded at the same time that Olivia responded, “Ignoring most of the words that come out of her mouth.”

Alex glared. “Thank you for that,” she said before her expression changed. “Congratulations on becoming Captain by the way!”

“Thank you!” Olivia replied proudly, noting Rafael’s confused expression with amusement. “We should really catch up sometime soon, but with this _situation_ , I’m not sure when I'll be able to.”

After a second contemplating their options, their faces both lit up and they turned to Rafael.

“Rafa,” Olivia began, attempting (and mostly failing) to turn on an angelic voice.

“Absolutely not. You used up all your favors with that hell of an afternoon a few days ago.”

“You mean the one where you allowed Rita within ten feet of my son?”

“I didn’t know that it wasn’t allowed.”

“I shouldn’t have to tell you that. If anything, you are the one who owes me!”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Be here at five to babysit, Alex and I are going to dinner to catch up.”

Alex looked at Olivia oddly. “We are?” she asked.

“We are,” Olivia confirmed decisively.

“Since when?”

“Since Rafa volunteered to babysit.”

Rafael glared at her. “I never agreed to babysit.”

“You have now,” Olivia assured him.

“What if I don’t show up in protest?”

“I dare you to do that,” Olivia replied with a sickly sweet smile.

“I hope you know how annoying you are.”

“You’ve told me many times.”

Rafael sighed and left, allowing the door to slam behind him.

“That was effective,” Alex complimented her.

“What was?” Olivia asked, feigning innocence.

“You drafted Rafael into watching five small children and got yourself a hot date in under five minutes.”

“Rafael secretly loves me and who said that this was a date? And who told you that you were hot?”

“I doubt that, and ‘me’ should answer both of your questions.”

“You want tonight to be a date?”

“I wouldn’t be upset if it was, let’s put it that way.”

“I wouldn’t either I guess, but you’d be the one with the hot date.”

“Sure. See you at five, Liv.”

“Bye Alex.”

Olivia smiled as Alex left, feeling quite impressed with herself. After all, Alex was right. She had gotten free babysitting and a very attractive date in the span of five minutes. 

Amanda shared a look with Carisi as they watched Alex leave. Their time as toddlers was certainly enlightening if nothing else. 

(Especially the newfound knowledge of Carisi and Barba’s relationship.)

Once they had processed the fact that they were mysteriously toddlers, they soon realized that when they talked to each other, everyone else just heard toddler babbling. 

After learning that they couldn’t even communicate fully with the adults, they had decided to just play the part that they had been given.

It had been much more fun than they had expected though. After all, everyone assumes that they don’t care about and don’t understand what’s going on, leading to them hearing a lot more than they expected (or in some cases wanted) to.

Also, it was highly amusing to watch Olivia (and occasionally Barba) try to take care of five small children.

Amanda only felt bad that she couldn’t be with her daughters, but they seemed to like her more as a toddler anyways (although she wasn’t sure how much they understood about the situation.)

She idly played with one of the toys that Olivia had hastily bought for her on the day that she had turned into a toddler. She still wasn’t sure what parts of her had turned into a toddler and what remained almost 40 years old, because even though for the most part her thoughts remained the same, she got much more enjoyment out of playing with toddler toys than she likely would if she hadn’t become a toddler. 

(Carisi’s interest may have just remained the same though, it was _Carisi_ after all.)

“They were so awkward,” she quietly said to Carisi as she gazed at the door that Alex had just left from.

“I know,” he replied. “Watching the Capt flirt is much more fun than I would have assumed.”

“You mean she’s never flirted with you?”

“No,” Carisi responded before he gave Amanda a searching look. “Has she flirted with you?”

“Maybe,” Amanda replied cheerfully. “I am irresistible after all.”

“In what world?” Carisi asked.

Amanda threw a block at him, causing him to start crying (a useful benefit being a toddler allowed for), and getting Olivia’s attention.

“Amanda!” Olivia scolded as she came over. “We do not throw blocks. Do you understand me?”

Amanda just looked at Olivia innocently and nodded.

“Good,” Olivia said before turning to Carisi who was still crying as if he had been grievously injured. Amanda stuck her tongue out at him once Olivia was facing him.

He ignored her and continued his pathetic attempts at gaining sympathy.

“Sonny?” Olivia asked softly. “Are you okay?”

“Hurts,” he said with a glare at Amanda.

“I’m sorry honey,” Olivia said sympathetically. “Would it make you feel better if Amanda apologized?”

Carisi nodded and shot a smug look at Amanda after Olivia turned back to her.

“Amanda, could you apologized to Sonny please?’

Amanda resisted the idea to tell him to go fuck himself and instead mumbled “Sowy.”

Olivia turned back to Sonny. “Do you feel better now?’’

Sonny nodded and satisfied, Olivia went back to making lunch for the kids.

“I feel bad for her,” Amanda commented as they observed her.

“I do too, I mean she got four kids dumped on her and Rafa’s the only person who’s offered to help.”

“Offered is the wrong word. He’s just too much of a coward when it comes to Liv to say no to her. He’s lucky he’s dating you, otherwise, he would _absolutely_ be the bottom.”

Carisi kicked her in the shin. Hard. “Why would you just assume that I’m the bottom in our relationship?”

“You aren’t denying it though, are you?”

Carisi kicked her again and Amanda smirked at him before screaming at the top of her lungs. 

Olivia closed her eyes, likely fighting the urge to commit toddlercide, before coming over to the two (again).

“What is it Amanda?” she asked.

“Sonny kicked me,” she pouted

Olivia turned to Carisi. “Sonny did you kick Amanda?”

“No,” Carisi refuted, crossing his toddler arms over his chest.

Olivia raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you lying to me?” she asked.

Carisi shook his head again, but Amanda pulled up her pant leg indignantly and pointed to the bright red mark Carisi had left. 

Olivia turned back around to Carisi. “Sonny, we don’t lie in this house,” she said sternly and pointed to the corner. “Go to time out,” she instructed.

Carisi pouted but followed her instructions nevertheless, while Amanda watched everything play out with amusement. 

“Are you okay?” Olivia asked, turning back to Amanda.

Amanda nodded and Olivia, sighing, went to check on dinner.

Olivia smiled as she opened the door to find a resigned looking Rafael.

“Excited?” she asked with a smirk.

“You owe me,” he grumbled.

“Here’s Billie,” she said before shoving the squirming child in her arms to Rafael, who glared at her in response as he held the baby awkwardly.

“Why can’t you hold her?”

“I need to put on my earrings,” Olivia responded as she went to the mirror.

“You look good,” Rafael commented softly as she put on her earrings.

“Thanks,” Olivia responded with a small smile as she checked herself over in the mirror.

Just then, they were interrupted by another knock on the door. Olivia straightened and looked at the door, feeling both nervousness and excitement.

“I’ll get it,” she said quickly (despite no one else volunteering).

“Hi,” she said softly as she opened the door, revealing Alex who (unsurprisingly) looked perfect.

“Hey,” Alex replied with a smile. “You look great Liv.”

“You look breathtaking,” Olivia responded.

“You both look lovesick,” Rafael commented as he put Billie down into her playpen.

“Thanks Barba,” Olivia retorted playfully before turning her attention back to Alex.

“So do you want to go?” she asked nervously.

“If you’re ready, then sure.”

“Let’s go then,” Olivia said before turning back to Rafael. “Thanks for watching the kids, have fun!”

“I’m sure I will,” Rafael muttered. “Bye Liv.”

“Bye Rafa,” Olivia responded as she followed Alex out.

As the door shut behind her, Olivia paused and looked at Alex. “Did we ever decide where we were going?”

Alex widened her eyes. “I assumed that you planned something,” she said. “Let’s just look around and see if anywhere’s open.”

_How could she be this stupid?_

“I’m sorry,” Olivia sighed. “Our date’s just begun and I’ve already fucked it up.”'

Alex rolled her eyes. “You didn’t fuck it up,” she responded quickly.

Alex and Olivia walked around for a little in an attempt to find somewhere open, but soon realized that apparently the entirety of New York had decided it was a good evening to eat out, leading to packed restaurants and ridiculously long waits. 

Finally, they stopped at a hot dog stand, and Olivia looked at Alex apologetically.

“I’m sorry."

“For what?” Alex asked with an eye-roll. “For asking me on a date?”

“No, for ruining our date,” Olivia replied.

“You didn’t,” Alex sighed. “I don’t care about where we eat, I only care that I’m eating with you. I’d choose eating street hotdogs on a bench in Central Park with you over eating at a 5-star restaurant with someone else every time.”

“Really?” Olivia asked softly.

“ _Every time_ ,” Alex emphasized. “Losing you has always been the biggest regret of my life. Not just me being sent away to WITSEC, but also that I never came back for you.”

“You should have,” Olivia said softly. ”I waited for you.”

“I know that now, but I didn’t then. I was too scared to go back and learn that you had fallen for someone else, and after I finally did come back to SVU I thought that you deserved better than me.”

“Why would you ever think that?” Olivia asked incredulously.

“Because you do,” Alex replied sadly.

“If anything, it’s the other way around,” Olivia refuted. “I don’t deserve you.”

Alex glared at Olivia, but it was playful. “Say that again, I dare you.”

Olivia opened her mouth but was cut off by Alex’s lips inches from hers.

Olivia leaned in but Alex pulled away at the last second.

“I’ve always known how to shut you up,” she said with a smirk.

“Don’t tease me like that,” Olivia complained, a betrayed expression on her face. 

“Sorry,” Alex replied unrepentantly.

“You’re mean,” Olivia commented, but smiled nevertheless.

“Maybe we could do the real thing a little later?” Alex suggested.

“I would like that a lot.”

“So now that we’ve gotten the romance part out of the way, how have you been for the last 8 years?”

Olivia laughed. “Good and bad at various points. How about you?”

“Pretty much the same. I was fairly busy with my work.”

“What work?”

“I’ll tell you when you retire.”

“On second thought, I’m not sure if I want to know.”

“You probably don’t, especially since you’d be legally obliged to report it.”

“Please stop talking about it, every word you say just makes me more curious,” Olivia grimaced. “So why are you coming back to SVU anyway?”

“I missed you. Also, I missed prosecuting.”

“Won’t our relationship be a massive conflict of interest?”

“Not if we disclose early on and do everything by the book, as difficult as that will be for you.”

Olivia glared at her. “I am _very_ ethical in my practices.”

“I never said that you weren’t,” Alex responded cheerfully. “I just implied that you have a tendency to bend rules when it suits you.”

“That’s hilarious coming from you Cabot. Remember when you lied and said that you had a warrant when you didn’t?”

“That was once, 18 years ago. How long are you going to hold that over my head?”

“Possibly forever,” Olivia responded.

Alex studied Olivia. “So when did you get a kid?” she asked.

Olivia paled. “Is that a dealbreaker for you?” 

Alex shook her head. “It isn’t,” she said quickly. “I was just curious. Are you still in contact with the father?”

“Oh no, Noah’s adopted. Both of his parents are dead.”

Alex laughed a little. “I should have guessed, considering that your savior complex is the size of Texas.”

Olivia opened her mouth to refute her assertion but closed it after she realized that she couldn’t really. “I’ve been raising him since he was a baby though.”

Alex paused. “Why were there so many children in your house again?” she asked.

Olivia sighed. “It’s a long story.”

“You said that,” Alex said with a laugh. “I want to hear it though.”

“Two of them are Amanda Rollins’s,” Olivia began.

“Is she okay?” Alex asked.

“Yeah, she’s fine, I think.”

“What do you mean ‘I think’?”

“I can’t really know for sure. The other two toddlers may or may not be de-aged versions of Amanda and another detective, Carisi.”

“ _What_?”

"We can’t exactly prove it, but one second they were there, and the next second two toddlers were sitting in their places. Also, they respond to the names Amanda and Carisi, so make of that what you will.”

Alex laughed. “I’ve missed you and the weirdness that surrounds you Liv.”

“I’ve missed your weird complements that are usually just hidden insults,” Olivia responded. 

“Do you want to walk around for a little?” Alex suggested, their hot dogs long finished.

“Sure.”

As the sun set, they walked around the park and talked about the last eight years.

“You dated _Tucker_?” Alex asked with a laugh. “I would have absolutely bet against that if you had asked me whether that situation would ever occur.”

“Five years ago, I would have too,” Olivia agreed before her face fell as she remembered the events of a few months ago. “He wasn’t as bad as we all thought he was,” she said softly, before she let out a bitter laugh. “You know, I think that I might be a bad luck charm.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “No you aren’t, that’s ridiculous.”

“Everyone I know, their life was better before they met me.”

“Mine wasn’t.”

Olivia looked up in surprise. “Yes it was. You were on track to become the DA, now you’re still stuck in the SVU almost 20 years later.”

“That’s your view. Mine’s a bit different. Sure I was poised for political success, but that’s all I cared about. I didn’t care about the victims, I didn’t care about my coworkers. The only person I cared about was me, but _you_ changed that. _You_ made me a better person Liv, the same way you make everyone who’s had the pleasure of interacting with you a better person.”

“Alex that’s-”

“True,” Alex cut her off. “Deny it all you want, but the truth is that you improve peoples’ lives and anyone who tells you otherwise is deluded. Bad things happen, but not because of you. You need to realize how amazing of a person you actually are Liv.”

Olivia didn’t know what to say, and instead just looked into Alex’s eyes and tried to communicate how much she loved her.

Fortunately, Alex seemed to get the message and squeezed Olivia’s hand in reply. “Let’s get back,” she suggested, and Olivia nodded in agreement.

Once they arrived at the apartment, Olivia let the two of them in and they stood in the doorway for a minute staring at each other. 

Slowly, Olivia leaned in and gently met Alex’s lips with her own.

Alex leaned into the kiss, but it was interrupted by a gentle pop and Amanda’s annoyed voice.

“You have _gotta_ be kidding me!”

Olivia broke off from Alex in surprise and turned around to see a visibly annoyed (and fully grown) Amanda and Carisi.

“Please tell me that I didn’t spend a few days as a toddler because some asshole god wants you two to fuck.”

Olivia opened her mouth to say something, but couldn’t find the words, so she turned and met Alex’s eyes instead.

“Oh my God,” Alex said, trying (and failing) to stifle her laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation.

Just then, Rafael walked in. “What’s the-” he began, abruptly cutting himself off when he noticed the restoration of Amanda and Carisi to their actual ages.

“Thank God,” he said in relief.

Olivia raised an eyebrow. “Glad your boyfriend isn’t a toddler anymore?” she asked in amusement.

Rafael sighed. “Was this entire situation somehow your fault?”

“Yep,” Carisi replied. “Turns out the universe decided to manufacture a weird Princess and the Frog situation where we wouldn’t be turned back until _they_ kissed.

The look he gave Alex and Olivia when he said ‘they’ was the same look that she imagined he’d give them if they killed his dog.

“Sorry,” Olivia said apologetically.

“Thanks for taking care of my kids at least,” Amanda said.

“To be fair, it’s not as if there was really another choice.”

“Fair point,” Amanda replied before her face lit up. “Fin and Kat are going to love this.”

Olivia’s eyes widened. “You are absolutely not allowed to tell them.”

“After the stunt that you pulled-”

“I didn’t pull any stunts!” Olivia protested.

“You don’t have any room for complaints,” Amanda continued, ignoring her protests.

Olivia just sighed.

“I’m going to get going,” Rafael announced in the ensuing silence. 

“I’ll tag along with you,” Carisi offered.

Olivia and Amanda both made similar faces of disgust at the reminder that their ADA and detective were involved.

“Bye Rafa, bye Carisi,” Olivia responded nevertheless as they left.

After they left, Amanda turned to Olivia. “Would it be okay if I stayed on the couch?” she checked. “I don’t feel like waking Jesse and Billie up.”

“Sure,” Olivia replied.

“I’m going to take a shower then. Get rid of any lingering toddlerness.”

Olivia raised an eyebrow at that but didn’t comment. Amanda left, leaving Alex and Olivia alone.

“So,” she said.

Alex laughed as their eyes met. “I’ve missed you Liv,” she said before leaning in to kiss her softly.

After the kiss ended though, she didn’t pull away. Instead, she moved so that her lips were only inches from Olivia’s and whispered in her ear. “I take back what I said about you never having a negative effect on the people surrounding you though, considering you turned two of your detectives into toddlers.”

“Technically, it was your fault too,” Olivia reminded her.

Alex laughed and left, leaving Olivia to ponder the ridiculousness of the last 24 hours by herself.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading 6k words of ridiculousness! i hope it was enjoyable at least, and i'll be posting chapter 5 of lost and found on friday. stay safe!


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